Every driver knows the moment: you check your mirrors, signal, start to merge, and a horn blares. The car was there the whole time. You just couldn’t see it.
Communication works the same way. The things we miss about how we come across are rarely the things we meant to hide. They simply sit outside our field of view.
I know this because I lived it.
“Narrow-minded and myopic“
Early in my career, I stepped into first-level management at a technology company. I had twenty team members, each seeing the world a little differently, and I was leading them as though they all saw it the way I did. Through candid conversations with my peer managers, I slowly realized how often my words and behavior showed a lack of awareness of different personality types.
Being honest, I was narrow-minded and myopic. That’s not a great trait when twenty people are counting on you.
The lesson came around again when I managed an international manufacturing program with delegations from six other countries. Now my blind spots were compounded by culture. I was fortunate to have a deputy director who had a gift for showing me what I was missing, kindly but clearly.
Those experiences sparked a lasting passion for better communication and emotional intelligence. That passion was tested when I joined a contractor team addressing sexual harassment and assault in the military, leading discussions with uniformed personnel and civilians. The conversations were delicate. They stretched my listening skills further than anything before.
From lessons to calling
When that season ended, I knew I wanted to spend my career helping organizations and professionals communicate better. I pursued coach-consultant training and earned my DiSC certification. Since then, I’ve worked with people across the full spectrum, including many who were sitting in the training only because it was mandatory.
Anyone who has faced that room knows the challenge. Some participants are apathetic. Others are openly cynical. Connecting with them is a case study in breaking down barriers.
My philosophy is simple: if I can achieve a breakthrough with just one person on their blind spots, that is a victory.
The Marine who didn’t think he needed it
One of those victories came from a place I didn’t expect.
I was coaching a manager in the Department of Defense who led a team in aviation logistics. He was a retired senior Marine Corps NCO, newly promoted to a senior government role. Our early sessions were slow. Long silences stretched between us, and I fought the urge to fill every one of them. More than once, he let me know that his career was proof enough of his management and communication skills.
Sound familiar?
Honestly, I didn’t think the engagement would bear fruit. But he stayed open to the process until the end.
A few months later, I was walking through his section of the building on my way to another meeting when I heard my name. I turned, and he was heading straight for me with an intent look. I wasn’t sure what to expect.
He thanked me. He had taken note of what we’d discussed and put some of it into action. “Kevin, it has made a difference,” he said, with more animation than I’d seen in any of our sessions. “My team members are more engaged and open in our individual and group meetings. Some have told me that they feel a better connection.”
That more than made my day. It confirmed how much people need to feel connected at work, and it reminded me why I kept working to connect with him when it felt like nothing was getting through.
The takeaway
Persevere through the cynicism and apathy. When you’re trying to break down walls, you rarely see the results in the moment. You never know what will come of it.
And if you’re the one with the walls up, consider this: the mirror shows you a lot, but not everything. Sometimes the most valuable thing you can do is let someone else tell you what’s in your blind spot.
Ready to see what you’ve been missing?
You don’t need twenty years and a deputy director to find your blind spots. A DiSC assessment and a conversation can show you how you come across, and how to connect better with the people you lead and work alongside.